I’ve been asked To explain why I say “get naked”… I guess if I was a super hoe that would be my catchphrase.
Ok so let’s go back a bit.
Back when I first started, you know back when Justin Bieber was still a kid. And Breaking Bad had just premiered on television. Yes that far back. Crazy, hey, I credit my ability to look so young on good genes… oh and a shit ton of Botox. My body contains a rather large amount of both caffeine and Botox. That’s why I’m always so happy. Because I can’t fucking frown. No, it’s a legit fact. Sixty units just in my forehead. Snap chat filters help too.
But back to my story. Back when I first started, I would get so nervous walking into the room with these strangers. A little personal insight of the day. I’m actually more of an introvert than an extrovert. It’s the caffeine that makes me appear extrovert-y. Around people I’m comfortable with, I’m very quick-witted. Around strangers I usually have no idea what to say. I’m better now. But back then, I was awkward as fuck.
Fuck that shit I’m still awkward. I just learned to embrace my inner dork more now. But where was I going with this. Oh that’s right the whole get naked thing. How did that start? Ok, story time.
About a few months after I started, I had a massage with this new guy. He came across as a bit odd but i chalked it up to nervousness. He had made it appear he was familiar with these types of places so I felt ok doing the massage. This would later be determined to be far from the truth both the awareness and my level of comfort. Painfully far from the truth.
My blissfully unaware ass heated up my oil, went back into the room, and to my surprise he was lying on the massage table still fully clothed. Ok, so I proceeded to undress, thinking to myself. “Maybe he’s just waiting for me to get undressed before he does” he turned his head looked right at me. I mean looked, wide eyed watched, there might have been blinking but if so I didn’t see it. If you’ve ever undressed in front of a jail guard that’s what it felt like, if not, good for you for also being blissfully unaware of that reference. And for staying on the right path in life. Stay in school kids.
Now back to the awkwardness that was this massage. After I undressed he simply turned back around and laid his head back on to the pillow. Now I was completely baffled, naked and searching for the right thing for my cumbersome ass to say to rectify this situation. I took a deep breath and said “so a little over dressed are we” ya smooth I know. This sexy sentiment made him again look at me, he nodded, and proceeded to sit up. Ok progress. He then began to untie his shoe laces, remove his shoes, then take off his socks. He placed them inside his shoes and dropped them on the ground. At this point I was thinking he would start to undress. I was wrong. He again laid back down on the table, still completely clothed only now with bare feet. At this point I’m thinking what the fuck. How the fuck am I suppose to massage someone fully clothed, let alone jerk them off. Was this gonna be my first over the pants rub down. No, but that shit does happen. A lot.
By the way when I look back now, not even top 10 on weirdness scale, but at the time I legit was confused. So what did I do… I stood at the end of the table, naked and rubbed this dudes feet for 45 minutes. All while he said NOTHING, not one word. He would just glance over at me every few minutes and would pennywise smile. I hate clowns but do you know what I hate more then clowns, feet. I really really really hate feet. And this guy had horrible hobbit looking feet. Dudes take care of your feet.
Now it might not be top ten in weird but in that room at that moment it was not fun. And after about 45 min he sat up. The only thing he said was good. He then proceeded to put on his socks and shoes and left. Alright…
So after I was done cleaning I had another guy come in and after we had gone thru all the pleasantries, pick your massage, pay for it etcetera. As I was leaving the room I abruptly blurted out “ok get naked”… to which he he laughed and said “yes mam”…. And best part is when I got back he was actually naked.
So ever since then I just tell them all to get naked. I hate feet.